The Part-Time Worker Mary Show!
by Famine
Summary: A lovely story between the two lovers of Zidane and Garnet. They even go on a talk show to express their undying love!


Hi! I hope you like this fic made by me and my friends. This is the cast:  
  
Part-Time Worker Mary: Famine  
Garnet: Owa  
Zidane: Shinji  
Kuja: Relm (Skuld)  
Beatrix: Owa  
Audience: Seifer  
  
We brought this play as a copout of Jerry Springer to you, made possible by The Pale   
  
  
Part-Time Worker Mary: Hello! Welcome to the Part-Time Worker Mary show! We're talking to women who are having MANY affairs on MANY people. Meet Garnet.  
Audience: Oooooh!  
Garnet: Hi, Mary *waves*  
Part-Time Worker Mary: Hi! What's your story?  
Garnet: Well..I've been going out with this guy for a while now. He's sweet, cute, and uh..a tad horny..*sweatdrops*. And I brought him here today to hell him a few secrets.  
Part-Time Worker Mary: Oooh. Spicey secrets?  
Garnet: Yes.  
Part-Time Worker Mary: Oooh. How exciting. Let's bring out your boyfriend. Here's Zidane!  
Zidane: -Walks out,and looks around and waves at the crowd.Heads next to Garnet and looks at Mary and whistles-Looking good there Mary! ^_~  
Part-Time Worker Mary: Well aren't you just the Casanova. Garnet has something to tell you, Romeo.  
Zidane: Hmm? -Turns to Garnet- If it's about the whips and chains in my closet...um..Someone putted them there..  
Part-Time Worker Mary: Whips and chains, huh? I don't wanna know what they do in their spare time. *winks at audience*  
Audience: Ooooh!  
Garnet: *giggles nervously* Actually, it's not about that ^_^;;  
Zidane: Ehehehe ^_^;  
Part-Time Worker Mary: What do you want to tell him, Garnet?  
Garnet: Well..  
Zidane: Well..Garney -puts his arm around her shoulder-You can tell me anything!  
Garnet: As nice as you are...I have...been cheating on you.  
Audience: Oooh!  
Zidane: -Gets up from his chair and throws it nearly hitting Mary-Wha..what!?!?! With who!?!? Who's the damn guy!? Do i know him!?  
Garnet: Actually..you kinda do.  
Audience: Mary! Mary! Mary!  
Part-Time Worker Mary: Let's bring this 'surprise guest' out!  
Audience: Yay! *claps*  
Zidane: -Falls to his knees-...I like saved your kingdom..-Gets up with fire in his eyes-Bring out the little %$#$^&  
Kuja: *Charges through back door, smashing the door down with an axe twice his size* WHY THE HELL AM I HERE?!?!?!  
Kuja: Garney-baby! *Sits beside her, reaching hand behind her chair and grabbing her fine ass* ^_~ *Coughs and pulls back hand* Why am I here?  
Zidane: -Looks at Kuja-..Him!!?!?  
Kuja: *Looks at Zidane disguistedly* Eww, what's this biznatch doing here?  
Garnet: Well..*points to Zidane* I've been cheating you..with him. *turns to Zidane* And I've been cheating on you with him.  
Zidane: Garnet..I thought you were only into guys..  
Part-Time Worker Mary: As I understand it, you two are brothers, am I right?  
Kuja: Yes, we are.  
Zidane: Sadly..yes..  
Kuja: He's a poor excuse for a brother if you ask me. Hell, he doesn't even wear a thong.  
Zidane: Well..atleast I have a penis.  
Kuja: Thongs are SO in, not wussy pants!  
Part-Time Worker Mary: Kuja, do you not have male genitalia?  
Kuja: I do.  
Garnet: Yes he does ^_^;  
Part-Time Worker Mary: Oh really? How big is it?  
Part-Time Worker Mary: I mean UHM!  
Zidane: -Coughs-  
Zidane: Well..Mary..my so called "bro" is nothing but a wussy..  
Kuja: Excuse me?!  
Zidane: HELL, he wears make up!  
Zidane: And a thong!  
Zidane: C'mon now..  
Kuja: *Stands up and throws bag of cosmetics at Zidane*  
Zidane: He makes a sexier woman than me!  
Kuja: Zidane, dear brother, your attempts in sainthood has failed. Thongs are in; chicks dig men with thongs and makeup. Not fluffy pants and white collars. That was SO last week.  
Part-Time Worker Mary: Okay, Garnet, what do you have to say about this?  
Zidane: ...Atleast I have a penis.  
Kuja: And, seeing as I am aware of how envious and jealous you are of my outstand beauty, you may want to shut up.  
Kuja: I have one. Unlike some blonde-haired freaks.  
Garnet: First of all..both of you, please be quiet.  
Kuja: Yes, Garney-poo!  
Zidane: What was that!!?  
Part-Time Worker Mary: You heard her. Shut your traps before I open a can of whup-girly butt.  
Kuja: *Whispers to Zidane* Dumb Blonde.  
Zidane: -Gets his chair and throws it at Kuja-  
Audience: Mary! Mary! Mary!  
Garnet: I said...BOTH OF YOU SHUT THE &*$*# UP!  
Zidane: You stupid #%@%$#  
Kuja: *Dodges chair and whispers to Zidane* Dumb Blonde.  
Part-Time Worker Mary: Stop fighting this instant! Garnet has something to tell you both.  
Audience: Oooh! Mary! Mary! Mary!  
Kuja: Yes ma'am.  
Zidane: -Bitch slaps Kuja then he sits down-  
Garnet: Anyways..I have another secret to reveal to both of you.  
Kuja: *Sits down and listens intentely to Garnet*  
Zidane: -Looks at her-..What else?  
Kuja: Yes, Garney-poo?  
Garnet: Well...I've been cheating on both of you..again..  
Kuja: WHAT?!  
Zidane: .....  
Kuja: You've been cheating on.. m-me?!  
Part-Time Worker Mary: Let's bring out the fourth wheel!  
Kuja: Of all people! Who could be more beautiful than me?! And why would you want someone? Didn't you say I was all that you wanted in a guy?!  
Kuja: I need answers, damn it!  
Kuja: Err, I meant someone else.  
Zidane: -Looks at Kuja-Shut up!..Since when did you starting thinking your better than me!  
Beatrix: *comes charging out of the back room dragging a bloody security guard in one hand and Save the Queen in another* Garney!  
Kuja: Since the day you were born.  
Audience: Booooo!  
Zidane: What the #$%^!?!?  
Kuja: *Gasps and kicks Beatrix* Stay away from my Garnet!  
Zidane: Beatrix!?  
Part-Time Worker Mary: Hi Beatrix. You're known throughout the land as the Slut of Alexandria. You're even sleeping with the Princess?  
Beatrix: Damn right, I am!  
Kuja: GARNET!  
Beatrix: And she likes it too!  
Garnet: Eheheh. ^_^;;  
Zidane: Dagger!?  
Kuja: I thought you loved me! *Glares back and forth at the two with teary eyes*  
Garnet: Well..she is supposed to protect me ^_^;  
Garnet: I do I do!  
Part-Time Worker Mary: You got a secret for them, though, don't you Be a bitch...I mean Beatrix?  
Beatrix: Yes..protect you in my own special way *grins*  
Beatrix: Yes.  
Garnet: WHAA?  
Beatrix: Well, Mary. First of all..I am a man.  
Kuja: ....!  
Garnet: ................  
Audience: Oooo!  
Zidane: ....  
Garnet: But but but but...you have a penis!  
Part-Time Worker Mary: *giggles* Tell us something we DON'T know.  
Kuja: *Grabs Silver Dragon plushie and throws at Beatrix* You... you CROSSDRESSER!  
Beatrix: Sex changes exist, baby.  
Part-Time Worker Mary: Now hold on a minute.  
Beatrix: Well..atleast I look damn good as a woman unlike SOME PEOPLE  
Audience: Oooh! Mary! Mary! Mary!  
Zidane: Beatrix..what about Rusty!?!?  
Beatrix: What about him? He sleeping with that Quina thing.  
Part-Time Worker Mary: As I understand it, you were born a man, then changed female, then reverted back to male. How does that go?  
Zidane: I thought both of you had the hots for each other!  
Kuja: You biznatch! *Bitch slaps Beatrix*  
Zidane: You %^&%$#% She-man!  
Audience: Mary! Mary! Mary!  
Kuja: And you! *Bitch slaps Garnet, too* Nobody loves me.. *Sulks in chair depressingly*  
Part-Time Worker Mary: Now shut up both of you. *takes out a sniper rifle* One more word out of ANYONE but Beatrix up there and I blow your head off, got me?  
Kuja: ...*Nods*  
Garnet: ... *does the same*  
Beatrix: Well...Being born a male was rather - how should I say this? - boring. Besides, women are hot. So one day, I found a big bag of cotton *points to breasts* and I do have a sword..soo..you know.  
Beatrix: And poof..I was one sexy bitch.  
Kuja: *Grabs peice of paper and a pen from audience, and writes the word "YOU BITCH-ASS SLUT" in big, black letters and hands it to Beatrix*  
Beatrix: Bring it, GIRL.  
Part-Time Worker Mary: Oh. Okay. Well, Garnet. Who are you gonna stay with?  
Kuja: *Coughs*  
Kuja: *Cries and gives Garnet puppy dog eyes*  
Kuja: *Raises hand* Excuse me...  
Zidane: Damnit Dagger..I know you get around alot..but DAMN..  
Zidane: I was your savior!  
Part-Time Worker Mary: *shoots Zidane in the leg*  
Part-Time Worker Mary: I said no TALKING bitch!  
Kuja: *Raises hand and coughs again*  
Garnet: C-Can't I have all three of them? I enjoy Zidane's sexual energy..*cough*, and Kuja's just sexy as hell..and Beatrix is umm..pretty good..  
Garnet: So I was wondering, can't I keep them all? I mean..I h-heard groupies are fun.  
Kuja: *Waves hand frantically in the air in front of Mary's face*  
Beatrix: Aha..poor girly *laughs at Kuja*  
Part-Time Worker Mary: Get that stank hand out of my face! I don't know where it's been!  
Kuja: ...  
Kuja: :*Kicks Beatrix*  
Part-Time Worker Mary: Especially since you were playing with Garnet's doggy, Froo Froo!  
Beatrix: Oo..harder, baby :P Wasting too much energy?!  
Garnet: WHAA?  
Garnet: T-This can't be true! Can it?!  
Part-Time Worker Mary: Okay now shut up Beabitch. Kuja what's your question?  
Kuja: Well, Mary...  
Garnet: *listens*  
Kuja: I need to share something...  
Kuja: I need to share something...  
Kuja: *Kneels down next to Zidane, grabs his hand, and kisses it* Zidane... I love you!  
Zidane: -Raises hand-  
Zidane: ......  
Part-Time Worker Mary: Yes, Zidane?  
Garnet: GAAA!  
Zidane: Uhm..  
Beatrix: *eyes gleam* YAOI! And incest too!  
Kuja: That's why I've been crossdressing and wearing a thong. I-i thought if I was pretty enough you would LOVE me!  
Kuja: Zidane, I've ALWAYS loved you! *Sniffles*  
Part-Time Worker Mary: Well! Isn't this interesting. It looks like Garnet's going home alone!  
Garnet: Waahh ;_;  
Zidane: -Blushes slightly-...Well...^_^;;  
Garnet: *latches onto Zidane* But but but..you're not gay!  
Part-Time Worker Mary: Okay let's take some questions from the audience.  
Part-Time Worker Mary: Yes, you.  
Beatrix: *smacks Garnet* We all love yaoi, ya bitch!  
Audience Member 1: yeah  
Zidane: ...-Pushes her off-You don't know me at all!  
Kuja: Zidane... will you marry me?  
Audience Member 1: This is for the man in the Thong!  
Garnet: !!!!  
Part-Time Worker Mary: *takes out railgun and shoots Beatrix down*  
Audience Member 1: If you're really a man, how do you hide your thang.  
Beatrix: *dies*  
Zidane: Yes..Kuja...-clings to him-  
Garnet: Well..If I grow a penis..will you love me too?!  
Garnet: I don't wanna sleep alone tonight ;_;  
Part-Time Worker Mary: Okay. First of all, how DO you hide your male genitalia, Kuja? Secondly, if Garnet DOES grow a penis (I heard Miracle Grow really works) will you go back to her, Zidane?  
Kuja: Simple, darling. "Magic". ^_~  
Garnet: *puppy dog eyes*  
Kuja: Whatever. I don't need you anymore Garnet!  
Zidane: -Smacks Dagger-No!,Kuja is sexier than her! -Continues making out with Kuja-  
Garnet: ;_;  
Zidane: Uhm..depends..how big Dagger?  
Audience: Mary! Mary! Mary!  
Garnet: *whistles* 8 1/2, 9 inches?  
Zidane: Hotdamn..  
Kuja: *Cries* Mine's bigger!  
Part-Time Worker Mary: No it's not!  
Garnet: 12!  
Kuja: AH!  
Part-Time Worker Mary: I mean....O.O  
Zidane: Well..Kuja looks better..  
Garnet: 12 Inches is my final offer! Plus a can of vaselin!  
Zidane: So..NO!  
Kuja: Yay!  
Garnet: *vaseline  
Garnet: ;_;  
Zidane: -Clings back to Kuja-^_^;  
Kuja: *Grabs Zidane's butt* I knew we were meant for eachother!  
Zidane: Oh..we sure are.  
Kuja: Yes yes.  
Garnet: M-Mary! What should I do now?  
Part-Time Worker Mary: Okay let's take one more question and then we gotta end this segment. Yes, you?  
Zidane: -Plays with his hair-  
Audience Member 2: *raises hand*  
Part-Time Worker Mary: I SAID WHAT?  
Audience Member 2: *raises hand*  
Part-Time Worker Mary: I SAID WHAT?  
Audience Member 2: Hey, Garnet, I'm a transexual hermaphrodite called Herb. I'm lonely tonight..so..will you sleep with me?  
Garnet: *looks at Kuja and Zidane and shrugs* Okay.  
Kuja: What the hell?  
Audience Member 2: Score! *gleems*  
Kuja: We didn't need you anyway, bitch =\  
Zidane: -Laughs at Herb-Good luck getting anything outta her!  
Garnet: That's not what you said last nigghhtt..  
Kuja: :*Holds Zidane's hand* ^___^  
Zidane: ^___^  
Part-Time Worker Mary: Okay I'm afraid that's all the time we have left. This is Part-Time Worker Mary saying Byeeee! 


End file.
